This time of year is always crazy for us because we have so much extended family, and they are all scattered throughout the state of Colorado. Plus this year we’re adding a mini-vaca and wedding in Rhode Island, so we’ve had to cut back on who we will see and where we will go. What’s interesting is how this is a perfect time to see old patterns in action which bring up limiting beliefs and pressuring thoughts and codependency issues.
I have posted about codependency before and it’s a huge part of what I had to learn about in my own self-discovery and growth. It’s important to remember that we are not responsible for other peoples feelings. This doesn’t mean go out and just be ruthless and inconsiderate, BUT it does show you where your personal boundaries need to be strengthened or at least looked at. I know Christmas was yesterday, but 2018 starts in just a few days, so why not start preparing now for all of the holidays coming up next year! HA!
Be aware of your “have to’s” and “should’s“. These can create repressed anger and feelings of overwhelm when you’re thrown into this feeling of “we have to go here or there” or “we have to see them or they’ll be upset”. You have two choices here : Either be a victim, or see it for what it is and decide how to handle it. If you’re the victim you’ll likely end up going to that event and be resentful because you have to be there or you can set a boundary and decide if you’ll go or not. Remember either is ok, so it has to be a decision you make and then you have to take full responsibility for your own decision. If you decide to go, then enjoy it and if you decide not to go, don’t let guilt overtake you.
Chances are the other people are not even aware of their own patterns or else they do not see anything as being wrong. Unfortunately it seems normal for a lot of families to work from a place of manipulation and guilt.
When I first learned about the term “codependency”, I honestly thought it was just for families of addicts and alcoholics. I’m seeing more and more how there are codependent patterns all over and in all facets of relationships. The best way to heal anything is to become aware of it and bring it to light.
Basically be aware of any times/situations where you are ignoring your own needs to please someone else, and then look at it and the truth of it and see how you really feel deep down! It’s that simple. That being said of course there are times, where it’s important to do something for someone else, but if you’re not coming from a place that feels good (giving because you want to)…it’s time to look at where codependency might be showing up for you.
I’ll be getting more into this in my 3rd book. I am starting to write it now, although I still need to finish my second book before I fully jump into the 3rd one. You can follow me on FB or Amazon, to stay informed about these books as they are released.
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New Living Translation
You must each decide in your heart how much to give. And don’t give reluctantly or in response to pressure. “For God loves a person who gives cheerfully.” 2 Corinthians 9:7